


One Box Closer

by DragonDetective



Category: Half-Life
Genre: During Canon, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Rewrite, gay rights amirite, ok the beginning is pre and then.. yeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25094122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonDetective/pseuds/DragonDetective
Summary: Gordon rooms alone, while Barney does not. They decide to remedy this and move in, together, but they only get so far before everything's ruined.So much for domestic bliss, right?
Relationships: Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 34
Kudos: 109





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> its cha boy..... writing again........ out of town....... ..... with a new hyperfixation ........................ sooo........
> 
> oh also this is pre relationship i kno th summary but i like. im slow. i like this gay shit. (:! its about the pining....,,,
> 
> hope u enjoy! any comments or criticisms feel free 2 comment i ain done this for a HOT MINUTE so im a lil rusty

“I promise ya, Gord, I’m not makin’ this shit up! I know there’s gotta be some kinda alien or whatever somewhere among us. Just think about it, think about where we are, and the facility’s huge! How much shit do we have? Why do we need it all? The security is crazy! I’m just saying, if you see anything suspicious, you gotta tell me about it. I’d love to prove people wrong, y’know? Some can be so…”

Barney goes on, making small movements with his hands and arms to emphasize his points without disrupting his companion too much. Gordon listens, carefully, finding it funny; Barney’s passion and his absolute certainty. He was so sure of his theories and the conspiracies he’d concocted with others who agreed, now he just needed proof. He was dead set that he was right though, at least on the fact that aliens existed and had been in the facility. He said he had a gut feeling, then that his gut hadn’t been wrong before.

“...Gordon? Earth to Gordon,” Barney hums softly, then chuckles when Gordon jumps to attention, pulled from his thoughts. “Guess it is kinda late huh? We ain’t ever gonna finish these movies at this pace,” he says, glancing at his watch before pushing their shared blanket out of his lap.

“You’re not going topside now, are you?” Gordon asks, trying to make his signs clear in the inconsistent light of the movie.

“I mean, we should probably head to bed, right? Don’t want to overstay my welcome, n’ if I don’t head out soon I’ll be sour tomorrow for sure. Why? D’ya have a better idea?”

“Stay.” Gordon signs, before getting up to turn on a light. “I can take the couch, you can have my bed.”

Barney shakes his head, “Nuh uh, no way Doc. If we’re gonna share, we might as well _share_.” He grins, before immediately backpedaling. “That was- too much but, really. I’m not taking your bed from you, I can just... catch a tram, make my way back up.”

Gordon sighs, shakes his head, gestures to his room. “Then we can share.”

Heading into the bedroom- messy, but not entirely disorganized- Gordon threw a pair of pajamas at Barney before gathering his own and heading out to give Barney space to change. And himself space. To change. … And to clean, he lied to himself, stepping out of the bathroom.

He went around the small living space, picking up their bowl of popcorn, their drinks, turning off the TV, fixing the couch… Trying to keep occupied, trying not to think. He clearly wasn’t thinking earlier-- Why did he do that? Barney was obviously joking- stupid, stupid! Gordon chided himself, giving a huff while he folded their blanket. He wasn’t one to keep things super neat, super clean, but anything to stay out of the bedroom for now. How could he get out of this? Maybe, maybe Barney would feel more comfortable sleeping on the couch, or he could insist again that he take the couch. It was too late to kick him out now, and that’d be rude. It was the last thing he wanted to do, really.

Though… If Barney really was okay with sharing the bed, well… Gordon’s cheeks flushed, it’d be nice. Awkward, oh god would it be awkward, but he couldn’t help but to give into the thought in his head that it’d be really nice to sleep with Barney Calhoun. He was already warm just to sit with, they cuddled sometimes if they got absorbed in their movie, er- no. Gordon shook his head, shook himself out of it. It wasn’t really cuddling, just sitting really close. There wasn’t as much intimacy as he- someday- would like to have or even initiate. He really wasn’t thinking when he’d accepted Barney’s tease… Ugh, god damnit. 

“Took ya long enough, darlin’. What kept ya?” Barney asked as Gordon walked in, lounging on his bed lazily. He took a wild guess that the nightstand with nothing on it was the side that went unused, and the glasses case and lamp on the other side were there for a reason. … He was right. 

Gordon smiled a bit, rolled his eyes. “Picked up after you,” he signs, sitting on his side of the bed. “I can take the couch, or if you really won’t let me then you can have it. We don’t have to do this.”

“Nah. We’re already both in here, c’mon. Don’t chicken out on me now.” Barney worms his way under the blankets, lays there for a moment, and looks to Gordon again. He hadn’t moved.

“... If- uh, I can go sleep on the couch, if you’d rather. Don’t wanna be pushin’ ya or nothin’. Real sweet of you t’ let me stay tonight to start with.”

Gordon turns to him, shakes his head and lays down. After a quick goodnight, the lamp is turned off, and Gordon stares out into the dark, back to his best friend. He wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. God, no. But at least, at least rest. He could do that. Probably.

He doubted it.

_ 

The bedroom door shut behind Gordon as he left to let Barney change, and all Barney could do was look around. He’d been in Gordon’s room before, but it felt different. Holding his clothes- about to wear them. They were simple; comfortable pajama pants, a too large company shirt that came free from some meeting or recruitment effort. They smelled decidedly like Gordon, as did everything else in the apartment. Obviously, it was his place, but... His bedroom felt different. Barney changed, putting his own clothes in a corner by the more bare side of the bed. He figured that’s where he would be told to sleep anyway, might as well put the space to good use. 

He was kidding- mostly- when he suggested this. He didn’t think Gordon would take the bait so readily... It was killing him. If he didn’t want to seem weird he could fall asleep right here, bury his face in the pillow he assumed was Gordon’s, take it in and just pretend. Maybe he could ‘accidentally borrow’ Gordon’s sleep shirt indefinitely... Barney laughed to himself- you’re acting like such a child. 

Gordon’s hesitance, Barney feared he fucked up royally, but he still climbed into the bed with him (with him!) and settled. The mattress and frame groaned slightly as they both shifted into comfortable positions, Gordon turned toward the door, and Barney…

It was dark, but there was a dull light from somewhere. He hadn’t bothered to check what everything was when left alone, he had no need. Hadn’t even noticed. But now he was grateful as he, gently as possible, admired Gordon. He couldn’t see his face, but that was okay. His skin looked rough, but in no way was that bad. Beautifully imperfect, textured. Inviting. His hair seemed soft, it was getting long. 

He’s complained about being told to cut it more than once, never once giving in. Barney would laugh when Gordon got so frazzled he ended up accidentally undoing his ponytail, pulling at his hair and shaking his head so much it couldn’t take the pressure. But every time he came up from having his head ducked, Barney’s breath would catch in his throat… And he’d laugh that off too, trying to come up with some silly nonsense to do to help his buddy destress and force himself not to linger on how his loose hair framed his face. It wasn’t fair that Gordon got to be the only attractive person in the facility.

Barney sighed, he should sleep, not think about how lovely Gordon was. They were sharing a bed to sleep, not to sleep _together_ … But they were together, trying to sleep. He’d hold that too close if he phrased it that way, so… They were sharing a bed. Sleeping in the same place, but not- not with each other. No. There was no with. Only sharing. No need to get weird about it. He huffs, forcing himself to shut his eyes, to go to sleep, to stop worrying about it. Overthinking this would do nothing good. He was lucky enough that he hadn’t pushed it too far.

-

A pleasant warmth and weight was wrapped around Gordon when he woke, shifting back into it, to move closer. He was too foggy to figure it out, what it was, but he figured he wasn’t in any harm. It squeezes him gently, and Gordon smiles. He reaches for his glasses off his nightstand and fumbles to get them on, and once he does…

It’s Barney. Right- shit. They went to bed together. Gordon’s face warms and he huffs a small laugh, how sweet… He wasn’t necessarily hoping this would happen, but he was in no way opposed. He might have thought about this scenario more than once before, even. It was more pleasant than he ever thought. Barney’s soft breathing, the gentle pressure, the calm it put over him…

Glancing at the time, it was about seven. Saturday. No lab work to do, and Barney wasn’t ‘advanced’ enough to take weekend shifts; he definitely kept it that way on purpose. Gordon takes off his glasses, setting them back on the nightstand, and lets himself relax into Barney. He can wake up “first”, he can sort it out, or they can pretend it never happened. Out loud, anyway. Gordon would think about this to himself quite often, he felt.

Placing his hand over Barney’s, over his stomach, he closed his eyes again with a sigh. He didn’t want to get up, not when he could take in this moment for what he wished would be forever. He’d definitely replay it that long, til time itself stopped. 

This was a dream come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 lmk anything u thot or any criticisms or whatever im kinda rusty like i said so id lov to hear it and ALSO. i have not finished hl2 do not say anything abt that 2 me.... i saw barney for a while 3 seconds and said im in love with you
> 
> aight ok im gonna TRY to keep up with this. im not gonna promise a schedule like i tried to before but im gonna try SO HARD. im gonna try so hard. so. hard.
> 
> love you have a good day!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soft.... hav fun! (:

It’d been over a week. Barney tried to ignore the way his chest tightened and his stomach flipped when he saw Gordon, ever since he’d held him in his sleep. He’d woken with a start and quickly tried to pretend it hadn’t happened. Gordon seemed a bit on edge too, but less reserved. No idea what that was about. Maybe he was trying to make Barney feel better by being a bit more vulnerable too. It just made him love him more… Love. No, shit. Like. Like him more. Love was too strong a word, Barney couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t want to give into his impulses. He didn’t want to scare Gordon off if he slipped. He liked Gordon, a lot. Like a friend. Obviously. 

He was going to die.

Gordon had invited him over again, their movie nights were usually on the weekend, but he said that he ‘had something to say’. Shit. Maybe Gordon had woken up before Barney, or maybe he woke up when he let go? He should have been more subtle. Maybe the stumbling around that morning, or the avoidance ever since. Stupid asshole, Barney rolled his eyes. He was being dumb, Gordon was worried about him because he was acting differently. He just needed to calm down, try to explain himself, try to go back to normal and push down the feeling. For he and Gordon’s sake. He didn’t want to lose him by pushing too far in either direction. He had to find the safe middle again.

Breathe, Barney. Inhale, exhale. This will be fine! I’ll explain myself, get things back to normal, everything will be okay. 

Gordon opened the door to his dorm and grinned, he’d just gotten off his shift. He was a bit messy, still in his lab coat and all. He had hardly even loosened his tie, and his hair was down. Fuck. This was going to be a lot harder than Barney thought. 

“Barney, you’re early,” Gordon signed before inviting him in, closing the door behind him. “That’s never happened before. I was worried you wouldn’t show at all.”

A small cough, a look away. Barney’s cheeks felt hot. God, shit. Fuck! Damnit. Already? “Uh- yeah, but y’know, how could I turn down an invite to hang out?.. Again. Be- um.. Before, I just uh.. I wasn’t feelin’ up to it, but now I, I didn’t want to leave you hanging again. Didn’t want you to think we weren’t cool.”

Real smooth, Calhoun.

Gordon just nods, shrugging off his lab coat and laying it over a chair to worry about later. “We’re cool.”

Silent, it was silent between them now. Barney was afraid to look at him, he didn’t want to blurt something out. It was hard to be silent. No wonder he carried most of their conversations.

“I’m going to get into something more casual.” Gordon quickly let himself into his bedroom after that. Shit. It was awkward. Barney was being awkward. Sometimes he and Gordon would get so wrapped up immediately it would only be right before they started watching something that Gordon would remember to change.

Watch something. Huh, Gordon said he wanted to tell him something, but he didn’t seem to be in any rush to get it over with. Maybe he could just… Turn on the TV, try to ease the weird tension he’d accidentally created by showing up too soon and tripping over himself like a newborn calf. Barney started to flip through channels. Maybe they could just hang out a while, more casually. No need for the usual weekend movie marathon, even if his heart reacted as though he were running one.

They settle on the couch together, shared blanket between them, but neither as close as usual. Barney let Gordon keep most of it, he wasn’t cold. He was hot. So was Gordon, but- shit. Stop that. He should have changed before he came over, his button up was stuffy, and he’d really only had the thought to at least take off his tie and fold it up in his pocket on the tram over. He really hadn’t wanted to keep Gordon waiting, he didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, or accidentally push him away. He probably didn’t need to be so weird about it though. 

Gordon’s hair still hadn’t been put up, which was an odd sight. He kept idly pulling it, twisting it, playing with it between his fingers. Barney did his best not to stare, but it was hard to keep focused on the- whatever the hell he’d put on TV when his pal was way more interesting.

He jumped when Gordon tapped his hand gently. Tuning back into the world around him, he noticed that the TV was turned off and Gordon was staring at him intently. The remote made a soft clatter when Gordon put it on the table. His drink on the table was untouched, while Gordon’s was half gone.

“I need to tell you something.” Gordon pauses and starts twisting his hair again. Nervous habit, Barney guessed.

“Uh… Go, um. Go ahead, Doc.”

Gordon nods, but stays still. The silence was heavy, but Barney knew better than to break it. Gordon’s hands go to his lap for a moment before he starts to sign again. “Last time you came over, I woke up before you.”

Shit. He can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, but he nods. “Right.. Uh- I hadn’t, wasn’t intentional. I didn’t wanna make you uncomfortable, I- I’m sorry, Gordon, really.”

Gordon shakes his head and moves a bit closer on the couch, putting his hand on top of Barney’s. He looks away, and Barney swears he’s blushing too, before he takes Barney’s face in his other hand. Now he knows for sure that they _both_ are.

Gordon just stares at Barney, looking for any kind of hesitation, any resistance. Barney just smiles, copying the other’s gentle hold. Then he nods, a small invitation for maybe the biggest thing he could ever wish for. With the confirmation, Gordon leaned in close, and Barney met him in the middle for a kiss. It was short; sweet. Barney broke away laughing too quickly for it to settle on him, holding his head in his hands.

“This isn’t- this can’t be real, right? I’m dreaming.” 

Gordon gently moves Calhoun’s hands from his face and holds him there before shaking his head, kissing his forehead, then his temple. 

“Not a dream?”

Gordon kisses him again, holds him in place, and when Barney smiles too big Gordon repeats and their teeth clink and they laugh together. Holding their foreheads together, they stare at each other. God, Barney can’t even think what he was worried about before. 

“Is that what’cha had t’ say, Doc? Well, ya outta speak up, I would’ve never known.” 

Gordon sits back and gently knocks him on the side of the head. “You were just trying to back out of it. You don’t get to act cool and smooth. This is clearly not what you were expecting.”

“Well, is it what you were expecting, Dr. Freeman? Mr Smarty Pants, high and mighty MIT grad,” Barney’s interrupted with another kiss, Gordon pulling away with a disapproving frown. 

“Shut up.”

-

That went much better than expected. Gordon moved to look at Barney, curled close against his side. They both had work tomorrow, but neither had it in them to get up and move. Barney smiled up at him and stole a quick kiss. 

“Pretty smooth, Doc. Never thought you’d have the guts before me.”

Gordon shoves him off his side gently before leaning against him instead. He jabs at his stomach, not cruelly, but not soft enough that Barney doesn’t jump and laugh. “Yeah yeah, I deserve that.”

A long silence, content sighs. Gordon glances at the time. 9:47. Barney has the same idea, looking over with a small huff. 

“Last train before midnight is here in about thirteen. Roomies will get worried if I don’t show.”

“Worried?”

“No- good point. They’ll tease the hell out of me and won’t let me sleep. I should probably get a move on before too long.” Barney doesn’t move, except to run his hand through Gordon’s hair. “Yep. Should probably… head out…”

“Maybe you’ll be late instead,” Gordon signs with a grin, and Barney rolls his eyes. 

“Ahuh. Yeah right, we already rub off on each other enough. If I’m late I might as well pack up, your trams run all the time. C’mon, Gord.” Barney finally issues them both to rise, but there's no rush. Silly banter, stolen kisses, good natured teasing. Gordon wonders if they’re stalling on purpose, but it doesn’t really matter. One late tram won’t kill them, even if Gordon’ll get some less than grateful texts in the morning. He knows he’ll get some more than grateful ones too.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 took longer than the last ones did but honestly thats just how it goes baby hope u enjoy!

The tram to the dorms is long, the intercom going on about the usual announcements, the usual reminders, the usual droning on for much longer than necessary, especially at this time of night. It wasn’t late, and getting off at eight was steadily becoming more common than not, but the announcements never changed from morning to evening, why bother keeping them on all day, for every tram?

Gordon sighs, leaning against the cold metal. There was no one else in the tram, but he chose to stand, supporting himself against the wall. He’d been woken up one too many times by some scientist he hadn’t known, he really didn’t need to be known for it. Every rattle and clunk along the line helped him stay awake, as much as he’d love to get off his feet. It’d be hard to get himself to move if he stopped though, and it was just the home stretch now.

A few months ago he’d been assigned to HEV suit training, and the timeline had become more urgent in the past few weeks. He figured it was because he was almost done, they needed to be sure everything was perfect and well known before letting him loose in a proper test chamber. He couldn’t imagine what he needed to have down so well to insert samples, as that’s all he was told the suit was being used for, to counter radiation and other such dangers like the heat or a fall if something were to go wrong, but… It was a rather bulky suit to use to push a cart around. Sure, just in case… Anything could happen, Freeman! It was suspicious (and exhausting), but Gordon never found he had the energy to protest.

It was probably for the best that way.

Opening the door to his dorm, he spots Barney; asleep on the couch, TV left on and forgotten, clearly an accidental nap. There was simple first aid gear left on the coffee table, and a glance into the tiny kitchen showed prep for a simple meal. All that was missing was the recipient of the affection, and Gordon knew it was him.

He sits next to Barney, kissing his forehead and fixing a blanket over him. It’s nice; this. Knowing he’s loved, knowing Barney would wait for him. He knew Gordon’s schedule was funny, he always got told when he was able to come over and not be alone, but Barney took it upon himself to come early anyway and go out of his way to make Gordon feel special. It was a lot easier with Gordon’s spare keycard, more than once another scientist in the dorms had helped Barney in so he could wait by the door instead of out in the mess hall or by the trams. It was sweet, that the other scientists were generally supportive, and especially now that things had settled and no one really minded a security guard around. At least, no one minded this one. Hell, it was funny, Gordon could swear maybe a few were coming around on him. 

Leaning back, Gordon let himself sink into the couch. Finally relaxing, finally coming down from everything. The day had been long, as had most nowadays, but… He takes Barney’s hand gently, smiles and sighs. He lets his eyes close and leans against his partner gently, this was all he could ever want.

-

There’s rustling next to him, and Gordon opens his eyes. Barney is smiling at him, handsome as ever.

“Good evening. When’d you get here?” He asks, kissing Gordon’s hand before letting it go. His smile is nothing but love and warmth and kindness, Gordon could melt in his arms… He might one of these days.

“8:30,” Gordon signs before sitting up and stretching. His face scrunches as he does, and Barney’s quick to get up and head into the kitchen.

“It’s a little late- and, well. Cold, but I can heat it up. Just made some pasta. I hope you’re feeling a little better today, you seem to be doing better than last week for sure…” Barney goes on, plating and reheating meals for them both, acting as though this was the most natural course of action for him to take. Gordon let him go, knocking on the door frame only to get his attention to let him know he was leaving to change. He hated to interrupt, but he was uncomfortable enough without being in the tie.

“Right, yeah. Go ahead Gord. I can patch ya up after we eat, right?”

Gordon nods, as always. Barney had been doing that since the beginning. Once he first saw the bruising and the tolls of the HEV suit he suddenly became an expert at making sure Gordon was taking care of himself, but every time he rough housed too hard with other security his scuffs were ‘no big deal’. Of course, Gordon cared for him in the same way he’d often receive, but it wasn’t ever as often or severe. One of these days, hopefully Barney wouldn’t feel the need to do this every day. He was sure Barney wouldn’t mind the icing bruises to become less common too. Not out of lack of desire though. Gordon shuddered to even think of that twist from the monkey’s paw. Only from a lack of necessity.

After dinner, Barney gently held ice to Gordon’s bruises, both new and old, while they filled each other in about their days. It was nothing exciting, really. Barney mentioned going to the library before Gordon got home, he really hadn’t thought he’d fall asleep. Gordon didn’t go into many details about the day’s training, he never did, but it was more endurance than it was anything else. Seeing how long he could hold up on his own in the suit at emergency power, only enough to keep it from collapsing on top of him. Thankfully. Last week he’d been working with the power off; emergency too. He was still sore, and most of the problem areas now were from then.

There was a lull, and Gordon gently patted Barney’s arm for his attention. “When did you get here?”

“Uh.. I came inside about a quarter til six, I think.”

Gordon nods, “You know, it might be nice to have your own key, and to not have to get your ass in gear every night. You basically already live here.”

“Whatcha gettin’ at, Doc?”

Gordon shrugs, smiles. “What do you think it’ll take to reassign you officially? Not your job, but your dorm. Get you a nameplate, and your own keycard.”

Barney barks out a laugh, grinning wide. “Y’know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re asking me to move in with ya.”

Gordon shoves him, rolls his eyes. That’s exactly what he was asking.

“Alright, alright. Uh.. Paperwork. I know some of security have had to be reassigned dorms, tight quarters gettin’ to ‘em sometimes. Unsurprisingly. And the level dorms of course, you know that scientists have been moved around. But we’re both clearance three… And I can’t imagine _not_ changing dorms is such a big deal when you get better clearance, less work for everyone. Except for you. Mm… Biggest thing I might think is sneakin’ around the separated dorms, ‘tween Security Force and the Science Team… Those white coats out there like me, yeah? Bet we can do it somehow. Not like getting stuff down here would even be the big thing, just the work to let administration agree…”

Barney rambles on, thinking aloud, and once deciding it is possible, smiles big as he can and pulls Gordon into a close hold, maybe a bit too tight on his tender arms but Gordon can’t bring himself to care. They laugh, kiss each other softly, express excitement in their newest plan. They’d get to work tomorrow, it was a Saturday, but surely if they couldn’t find forms they could find loopholes. Nothing would keep them from this; the bliss of being together with no grounds to actually stop them. They were sure of it.

They would make this happen, and nothing could stop them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rubs my evil little hands together  
> I Get To Add Tags Next Time... >:3c


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long!! i didnt really edit the second half of the fic because i was excited to finally have another chapter done after so long but i hope you enjoy!

Everything was going well so far. It’d all been signed up, cases made, ideas pushed. Calhoun was to move into the level 3 scientist dorms Friday evening. Tomorrow evening. He was still on the security force, but he and Gordon (and a few other scientists) had managed to find enough loopholes and stir enough fuss that it was eventually handed over. Things were great.

Gordon stands on a step ladder in the dorm’s cafeteria, putting up a short banner. There’d been some joke, about with how much work had gone into getting Barney moved in as quickly as they’d had, there should be some sort of celebration for the effort as well as a welcoming party, even if he’d already been welcomed time and time again. It stopped being a joke at some point.

Barney was standing on the ground beside him, offering up thumb tacks and tape. Whatever didn’t work, the other would do. There wasn’t a lot of work going into this, it was mostly a reminder for why everyone was hanging out after work. A mini party. Maybe a few special things would get set up after someone’s shift tomorrow, but for the most part… Things were calm, casual.

“Y’know, Gord,” Barney starts when Gordon steps down, “I’ve been thinking. I got a question for you.”

Gordon grins, gives him a look. “What?” he signs.

“You get employee of the month parties held in here sometimes, don’t you?” Gordon nods, and Barney continues. “I was just wondering, like… How do you do it? You sleep in and are late _all_ the time. Employee of the month? Really? And more than once?”

Gordon snorts, laughs a bit and gently shoves Barney’s arm. “Don’t ask me. I’m not in charge of that.”

“Right, but what’re you doin’ to get back in good graces, huh? I need that kinda luck, I got people on my ass for that all the time. The Gordon Freeman Phenomenon; showing up late all the time, missing shifts, and still being the best scientist Black Mesa has to offer.”

Gordon rolls his eyes, shrugs. “It’s hard work,” he signs before walking back to look at the banner. “What do you think?”

Barney takes a quick glance and shrugs, turning back to Gordon. “I think it’s fine. Simple. We don’t need anything fancy; I’ve basically been living here for a month.”

Gordon nods. It was true; once HEV training stopped and Gordon was a regular in the testing chamber, Barney started spending most of his time off at his dorm. It helped that they were trying to move Barney in officially too, but… The schedule being back to normal, being consistent again, that couldn’t be brushed aside. 

“True.” Gordon smiles and stands next to Barney, leans against him with a soft sigh.

“Yeah, Doc? You tired?... I probably shouldn’t go in tonight, uh. Might get too caught up in the moment. I gotta get my card reprogrammed and all, so I gotta go in a bit early… And you got a visit with Big Spinny tomorrow, don’tcha? Need your sleep."

Gordon nods, “Just a regular test tomorrow, I’m pretty sure.”

Barney nods too, and holds Gordon for a moment. It was nice. Casual, simple. He lets go and steps aside soon after, though. “You’ll do great, Gord. Always have. And after that- after that we’re done waiting. We’ll be together. Have the whole weekend together, just the two of us after the party. Things’ll be perfect.”

“One more day, things will be perfect.” Gordon repeats, though his motions are small and loose, to himself.

“I’ll catch you tomorrow after work, okay babe?” Barney grins, kissing his cheek. “I got one last box. That’s it. We’re done being apart after that. Promise.” He gives him a kiss and starts walking out. “Gotta catch the tram before I’m forced to stay! Love ya!”

Gordon smiles. Just one more day, just one more shift, just one more box. He could wait that long.

-

Fuck.

Barney woke up late, he needed to get there early- today was already going to feel long, most of his shit was at Gordon’s- oh god damnit.

He rushed to get dressed and ready, running onto the late tram with a box in his hands, tie undone, shirt untucked. God. Shit! He sits in one of the seats, putting the box down next to him. It was just him. He could breathe. He shakes his hands around to try to get some of the energy out, scolding himself for sleeping in… Really? Today, of all days? Fucking hell…

He fixes his tie, looking out and around. It was a nice day; hot still, obviously, but… He was planning on having gotten up early enough for the sky to be soft in color… Oh well. He works on seeming presentable.

He couldn’t shake the feeling something was going to happen today, but had no idea what other than being officially moved in after work… Whatever. Barney tunes out the droning of the intercom, mind busy and all too ready to get his shift over and done with. He had waited long enough, and the final stretch of anything always feels agonizing. Especially something as looked forward to as this.

At the end of his line, he spots Gordon getting onto his tram and laughs. He stands and moves to the closer edge and shouts out to him. “Hey Gordon! You’re not the only one who slept in this time! Might be a bit late tonight!” Gordon waves and Barney can tell he’s trying not to laugh.

When his tram comes to a stop he gets off and sets his box down before rooting through his pockets. He takes out a granola bar, and as Gordon’s tram passes he throws it at him. “I know you forgot to eat, science boy! I’ll see you later!”

Gordon fumbles and barely manages to catch it, shaking his head and waving as he passes the corner. Barney smiles, but the pit in his stomach grows, his core twists. As Gordon disappears his smile falls. Something’s going to go wrong today, he can feel it in his gut. He sighs and picks up his box, shaking his head. “No, no… Nothing’s going to go wrong…” He mumbles to himself, repositioning his cargo to his shoulder so he can use his keycard. “Sometimes your gut can be wrong, Calhoun. You’re just nervous and excited. Don’t get too in your head with it.”

-

Seeing Barney was nice, Gordon smiled to himself and tucked the granola bar into his lab coat pocket. He would get around to it later. For now, while Barney wasn’t usually late, seeing him come in really cemented it for Gordon that he was _late_. He’d been farther behind schedule before, sure, but not usually on a test chamber day, and he’d really like to be able to see Barney at a reasonable time after work today, not staying late to fix whatever might have gone wrong. He groans, leaning against the metal walls of the tram. No use thinking too hard about it…

“Good morning, Mr. Freeman. I had some messages for you, but there's been system crashes all day and I’m still trying to get back to my files. They should have it sorted out in the testing chamber though, they told me to let ya know to head on down as soon as you got your suit on.”

Gordon nods, he liked the guard at the front desk, Joey, he thinks? He’d always been pretty nice. Especially compared to most of the people he saw everyday. The scientists could be rude and snarky sometimes, or a lot of the time really. At least he got one good hello a day. 

Some of the scientists were in a pleasant mood despite the system crashes, others gave him a look or a remark when he waved good morning. Whatever. Days in the chamber were always a gamble, best not to get hung up on it. There were a few scientists in the locker room, but it was quiet. No one really had much reason to share in here. Two of the suits were already gone, leaving Gordon’s in the middle. He wasn’t surprised, his was usually the last in it’s station.

Suiting up was as much of a pain as usual, the loud robotic voice taking no time before filling him in on all the same information as the last time. Always the same, always too loud, always something Gordon swore he would have to take a painkiller for later.

One that _wasn’t_ the morphine he'd be readily supplied.

He sits for a moment, letting himself adjust to the weight of the suit and allowing it time to turn on its systems. He’d be exhausted after today, he was sure of it. He always was; the suit still took a toll on him despite the training. At least he knew what to expect and how to manage now. 

… Plus, Barney was always a big help too.

But enough stalling. Gordon got up and started his walk to the testing lab he'd been assigned. Luckily it wasn't too far; just down a few halls and elevators.

The security guard opened the door for him, commenting that it looked like he was in the barrel today. Gordon nods, giving him a short wave before heading into the next room. It had an elevator in the center, but you had to get to it from the back. He always thought this room was weird, there were two sided entry elevators elsewhere in the building, but it was whatever. At least it was interesting. The posters- billboards? Whatever they were on the walls surrounding the elevator transitioned from one poster to another. Gordon always found himself watching them on his way down.

One sponsored the facility's safety, another their technology. One was about the trams, another about teamwork. One reminded everyone that they were government owned; working to assist the military. There was one with a nice photo overlooking Black Mesa itself, talking about the area. Those weren't interesting though. The best one cycled between information about their hydro-electric dam and... a poster commemorating the security force, or something.

It was so dumb, so funny. A guard stood in front of an American flag, then… The text was just… Just bullshit to fill a word count. Gordon was pretty sure a guard themselves made it; it wasn't in the security area as far as Gordon knew. He made a note to ask Barney about it… This poster was stupid. The text was all filler, the entire thing was low quality. They probably didn't expect it to get blown up large enough to be a grown man's wingspan. A poster to remind the scientists to appreciate the security force, at least that's what Gordon was pretty sure the intention was, and it was the best part of going down to Anomalous Materials. It even insulted the viewer, calling them strange for being able to read it, commenting on their good "eyeyes". Gordon smiled at it, patting the wall gently as it transitioned back to the poster about the dam. 

He was late enough though, he couldn't afford to stand around and comment to himself about the poster today. Plus, the sooner it was over and done with, the sooner he'd be able to take the HEV suit off and the sooner he'd have time with Barney.

… That was a really good motivator.

In the control room, there was a quick briefing. The sample was just sent down, thank goodness he's not _that_ late, but… It was swapped out for a new one. Plus, the spectrometer was bumped up for extra resolution… It seemed a bit much and so suddenly too. These tests usually underwent a week or two of preparation to ensure things would be correct for the right sample. It wasn't his place to say anything, and he wasn't often heard out anyway, so Gordon just nodded along and kept his concerns to himself. It didn't sit right with him though. He was nervous… Something felt off. Something was going to go wrong.

They let him go, opening the door for him and sending him down to the next room. The test chamber was right down the elevator.

Exiting the room he passed by Issac Kleiner; his old teacher, and the one who got him a job here. He was always pretty nice, and very eccentric too. He offered Gordon a good morning, but before Gordon could wave back, the computer behind Kliener exploded. This was… Gordon's brow furrowed, looking back to the control room.

There's no way the test would go through, right? Between equipment troubles, system overload, sample changes… He knew the test was important, they always were, but this seemed extreme and fucking dangerous, honestly. Haphazardous; so last second.

But no one called him back. Kliener commented to the scientist he'd been talking to before that their equipment wasn't meant to do all of this, that's why it was getting so screwed over… He turned to Gordon and wished him luck before returning to his uneasy conversation.

Gordon decided not to interrupt, not to ask questions. If things went wrong, well, they'd dealt with malfunctions before. If things were going to hell like this there had to be a backup plan… He hoped there was, at least.

Going back down to the center of the Earth, the elevator lurched and turned. Gordon still couldn't figure out why they just didn't do this in the poster room, but that wasn't the point now. He was going to go through his job and everything would be fine. No reason to assume otherwise, er- no reason anyone in charge seemed to give a damn about, at least.

When the door shut to chamber C-33/a, one of the scientists in the room spoke to him. Telling him they'd be deviating from standard procedure. That wasn't a shock, but it wasn't comforting. With 'good reason', the other interrupted; that it was the purest sample yet. Potentially the most unstable was the counter.

"Now now, just follow standard insertion procedure and everything will be fine."

"I don't know how you can say that, although I will admit that the possibility of a resonance cascade scenario is extremely unlikely."

"Gordon doesn't need to hear all this; he's a highly trained professional. We've assured the administrator that _nothing_ will go wrong…"

"Ah… Alright, well then. Gordon, we have complete confidence in you." They continued to speak as they walked to the two retina scanners on the opposite sides of the room, but the conversation was of little value at this point. The confidence comment threw Gordon off guard. Was this supposed to be riding on him now? He hadn't set up the intricacies and was definitely not part of any conversation about the new sample. He knew information was being withheld from him, but however much was complete guesswork. It could be some small things, but it felt like far more than that. Far more important than that.

The doors to the chamber opened, the scientists waving him in before shutting the door behind him. With the clang, and the moment of silence, his stomach twisted. Now there was no backing out of it. Everything would be fine, he tried to assure himself. They would stop the test if things went wrong. There wouldn't be an unnecessary risk at the cost of the sample; not a sample as seemingly important as this one. They wouldn't lie to the administration. None of it really helped though.

They sure as hell wouldn't bat an eye at lying to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare...
> 
> on another note again im SORRRRYYYYYYY this took so long. i got halfway through it (i can tell you the exact line!) and then i just stopped writing :pensive:
> 
> its ok tho im back at it... i wrote the first half in one sitting. then i wrote the second half when i came back to it in one sitting,, its been a fun three-four hours getting this chapter wrapped up finally aha
> 
> nywayssss kiss kiss everyone i missed you i hope u missed me! ill try to keep this updated forreal this time.


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